At 13 I was in awe of my mother. I watched her train and become a nurse. She had 4 children the youngest being 18 months, from then I knew if you wanted something enough and you put in some hard work, anything is possible. Not long after she then went on to become a midwife, I’m so proud of my her, she has overcome many difficulties in her life and to bring up 4 children and build a career at the same time is all the inspiration I needed to follow in her footsteps (and I am not referring to the 4 children). I thank her for so many things in my life including being a wonderful mum and my role model.
I’ve always wanted to look after and care for others. I was such a mother hen growing up, loved babies and children, always cared for my siblings when they hurt themselves, always wanted to help make people better when they were ill. Once I decided healthcare was my chosen profession, I applied to the University of Central Lancashire, I wanted to be a midwife in the long term but I chose nursing because that was the path my mum went down and I thought that becoming a nurse would provide me with many transferable skills.
So I started my adult nurse training in September 2005. I enjoyed the course so much and made some lifelong friends in the process. In my 2nd year I did my ‘high tech’ placement, I was allocated ICU at the Royal Blackburn Hospital, in Lancashire. I knew in my first week this is what I wanted to do when I qualified. I enjoyed other placements but nothing came close to ICU. I went there again for my internship and a job came up at Blackpool Victoria Hospital, on the cardiothoracic intensive care unit, it was over 30 miles from home but the job I wanted. The interview was the day before our wedding, they gave me the job there and then, best wedding present ever!
Fast forward 5 years and I am still working at Blackpool Victoria Hospital and love my job, I’m now a senior staff nurse. Midwifery was still my chosen career but I was enjoying nursing so much, my feelings at the time was ‘if it isn’t broken don’t fix it’, we also decided it could wait as we wanted to have a family. Our beautiful girls, Libby and Evie are now 4 and 2 and a half. Our family is now complete and I felt it was the right time to become a midwife. So I applied for the shortened midwifery course, this is for registered nurses who wish to become midwives, meaning you will be dual qualified. It’s a gruelling 20 months of hard slog, I’m ready for it though. After a 10 minute presentation, an interview and a Maths and English test I came away feeling good but not confident. A week of waiting went by sloooooooowly, very slowly, I got the call- I’m in!!!!! Unfortunately I had to defer for a year for health reasons, I needed a hysterectomy due to previous cervical cancer (this will be a blog for another time). I’m now 5 months before starting and I am so excited.
Currently I come home from work after a long day and reflect, what an amazing job I do, so worthwhile. It gives me a sense of accomplishment, I have made a difference to a person who is critically ill and I’ve help keep them alive. Patients I care for are ventilated and sedated, often on some very potent drugs that need to be titrated in such small amounts that an error could be fatal, it gives me a buzz, I love my job. So why am I leaving this job to be a midwife? In certain terms the jobs couldn’t be more different, one is arguably the most medicalised job a nurse can have, constantly relying on monitors, artificial ventilation, induced sedation and I’m leaving to do a job where you take a step back, where we are there to facilitate the most natural process a human undertakes, one that women have been doing for millennia. My answer; I don’t know, well I do but as I sit here I can’t type the words to explain it, I just want it, with every bone in my body. I want to be there to support women; strong, remarkable women who are undergoing the most astonishing experience of their lives. I want to witness the first time they look into their babies eyes and discover what true unconditional love is, to witness that first feed of baby suckling on their mother’s breast if she chooses to breast feed, observe their bare bodies touching, skin on skin. To potentially see the look of the parents falling deeper in love with each other, in the realisation the gift of this child has given them an eternal bond. To see a new mother look at her newborn baby and discover the thoughts and feelings her own mother has been through all of her life. I am not naive enough to think that midwifery is all sweetness and light, it isn’t. The good parts are magical, the difficult ones, devastating. My ICU role is heart breaking at times and unfortunately so will be my role as a midwife. I will miss nursing, the aspect I will miss the most is watching the shear resilience in patients, when someone has been given a poor diagnosis and we presume they won’t make it, to watch them come back from the brink of death and astonish all the nurses and medical staff. I like to help make patients better and to feel like what I did that day has aided in their recovery. In midwifery I want to empower the women and facilitate a positive birth experience.
I like to think I will always be a nurse, come September I have been a nurse for 6 years and gained some valuable knowledge that I hope will make me a good midwife. Being a midwife is demanding, it is complex and diverse, but I’m ready for it. I am under no illusion that it will take a lot of dedication, I really believe that this passion I have will give me what I need to complete my dream and be a midwife.
Sarah